Tuesday, November 23, 2004

[Mr Creosote enters.]
First Fish: [in tank] Oh shit! It's Mr creosote.
[All the fish disappear with six flicks of the tail.]
Maitre D: Ah good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?
Mr Creosote: Better...
Maitre D: Better?
Mr Creosote: Better get a bucket, I'm going to throw up.
Maitre D: Gaston! A bucket for monsieur!
[They seat him at his usual table. A gleaming silver bucket is placed beside him and he leans over and throws up into it.]
Maitre D: Merci Gaston.
[He claps his hands and the bucket is whisked away.]
Mr Creosote: I haven't finished!
Maitre D: Oh! Pardon! Gaston!... A thousand pardons monsieur.
[Puts the bucket back.] [The Maitre D produces the menu as Mr Creosote continues spewing.]
Maitre D: Now this afternoon we monsieur's favourite - the jugged hare. The hare is *very* high, and the sauce is very rich with truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.
[Mr Creosote pauses. The Maitre D claps his hands and signs to Gaston, who whisks away the bucket.]
Maitre D: Thank you, Gaston.
Mr Creosote: There's still more.
[Gaston rapidly replaces the bucket.]
Maitre D: Allow me! A new bucket for monsieur.
[The Maitre D picks the bucket up and hands it over to Gaston. Mr Creosote leans over and throws up onto the floor. And the cleaning woman.] [Gaston hurries off. The Maitre D takes care to avoid the vomit and places the menu in front of Mr Creosote.]
And maintenant, would monsieur care for an aperitif?
[Creosote vomits over the menu. It is covered.]
Or would you prefer to order straight away? Today for appetizers... er... excuse me... [The Maitre D leans over and wipes away the sick with his hand so that the words of the menu are readable.]
... moules marinieres, pate de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireaux - that's leek tart - frogs' legs amandine or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd - c'est a dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of pureed mushrooms, it's very delicate, very subtle...
Mr Creosote: I'll have the lot.
Maitre D: A wise choice, monsieur! And now, how would you like it served? All mixed up in a bucket?
Mr Creosote: Yes. With the eggs on top.
Maitre D: But of course, avec les oeufs frites.
Mr Creosote: And don't skimp on the pate.
Maitre D: Oh monsieur I can assure you, just because it is mixed up with all the other things we would not dream of giving you less than the full amount. In fact I will personally make sure you have a *double* helping. Maintenant quelque chose a boire - something to drink, monsieur?
Mr Creosote: Yeah, six bottles of Chateau Latour '45 and a double Jeroboam of champagne.
Maitre D: Bon, and the usual brown ales...?
Mr Creosote: Yeah... No wait a minute... I think I can only manage six crates today.
Maitre D: Tut tut tut! I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night...?
Mr Creosote: Shut up!
Maitre D: D'accord. Ah the new bucket and the cleaning woman.
[Gaston arrives. The Cleaning Woman gets down on her hands and knees. Mr Creosote vomits over her.] [Some guests at another table start to leave. The Maitre D approaches.]
Maitre D: Monsieur, is there something wrong with the food?
[The Maitre D indicates the table of half-eaten main courses. The guests shrink from his vomit-covered hand.
The Maitre D realises and shakes a little off. It hits another guest, who wipes his eye.]
Guest: No. The food was... excellent...
Maitre D: Perhaps you are not happy with the service?
Guest: Er no... no... no complaints.
Guest's Wife: It's just we have to go - um - I'm having rather a heavy period.
[A slight embarrassed silence while the rest of the party look at her.]
Guest: And... we... have a train to catch.
Guest's Wife: [as if covering for her previous gaffe] Oh! Yes! Yes... of course! We have a train to catch... and I don't want to start bleeding over the seats.
[An awkward pause. The Maitre D gropes for words.]
Guest: Perhaps we should be going...
[They start to go. The Maitre D follows.]
Maitre D: Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much, so nice to see you and I hope very much we will see you again very soon. Au revoir, monsieur.
[He pauses. A look of awful realization suffuses his face.]
Maitre D: ... Oh dear... I've trodden in monsieur's bucket.
[The Maitre D claps his hands.] Another bucket for monsieur...
[Mr Creosote is sick down the Maitre D's trousers.]and perhaps a hose...
[Someone at another table gently throws up.]
Companion: Oh Max, really!
[At another table someone else has really thrown up all over the place. His mother and brother look at him incredulously. Meanwhile Mr Creosote has scoffed the lot. The Maitre D approaches him with a silver tray.]
Maitre D: And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.
Mr Creosote: No.
Maitre D: Oh sir! It's only a tiny little thin one.
Mr Creosote: No. Fuck off - I'm full... [Belches]
Maitre D: Oh sir... it's only *wafer* thin.
Mr Creosote: Look - I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.
Maitre D: Oh sir, just... just *one*...
Mr Creosote: Oh all right. Just one.
Maitre D: Just the one, sir... voila... bon appetit... [Mr Creosote somehow manages to stuff the wafer-thin mint into his mouth and then swallows. The Maitre D takes a flying leap and cowers behind some potted plants. There is an ominous splitting sound. Mr Creosote looks rather helpless and then he explodes, covering waiters, diners, and technicians in a truly horrendous mix of half digested food, entrails and parts of his body. People start vomiting.]
Maitre D: [returns to Mr Creosote's table] Thank you, sir, and now the check.


  • Refinance your Home loan Now, Click Here to save thousands of dollars a year on your home loan.

    By Blogger allyssa675elmer, at August 26, 2005 at 8:44 AM  

  • Make no mistake: Our mission at Tip Top Equities is to sift through the thousands of underperforming companies out there to find the golden needle in the haystack. A stock worthy of your investment. A stock with the potential for big returns. More often than not, the stocks we profile show a significant increase in stock price, sometimes in days, not months or years. We have come across what we feel is one of those rare deals that the public has not heard about yet. Read on to find out more.

    Nano Superlattice Technology Inc. (OTCBB Symbol: NSLT) is a nanotechnology company engaged in the coating of tools and components with nano structured PVD coatings for high-tech industries.

    Nano utilizes Arc Bond Sputtering and Superlattice technology to apply multi-layers of super-hard elemental coatings on an array of precision products to achieve a variety of physical properties. The application of the coating on industrial products is designed to change their physical properties, improving a product's durability, resistance, chemical and physical characteristics as well as performance. Nano's super-hard alloy coating materials were especially developed for printed circuit board drills in response to special market requirements

    The cutting of circuit boards causes severe wear on the cutting edge of drills and routers. With the increased miniaturization of personal electronics devices the dimensions of holes and cut aways are currently less than 0.2 mm. Nano coats tools with an ultra thin coating (only a few nanometers in thickness) of nitrides which can have a hardness of up to half that of diamond. This has proven to increase tool life by almost ten times. Nano plans to continue research and development into these techniques due to the vast application range for this type of nanotechnology

    We believe that Nano is a company on the move. With today�s steady move towards miniaturization we feel that Nano is a company with the right product at the right time. It is our opinion that an investment in Nano will produce great returns for our readers.

    Online Stock trading, in the New York Stock Exchange, and Toronto Stock Exchange, or any other stock market requires many hours of stock research. Always consult a stock broker for stock prices of penny stocks, and always seek proper free stock advice, as well as read a stock chart. This is not encouragement to buy stock, but merely a possible hot stock pick. Get a live stock market quote, before making a stock investment or participating in the stock market game or buying or selling a stock option.

    By Blogger matthewbrooks3733, at December 23, 2005 at 10:25 AM  

  • I read over your blog, and i found it inquisitive, you may find My Blog interesting. My blog is just about my day to day life, as a park ranger. So please Click Here To Read My Blog

    By Blogger leanordbenson5595, at December 28, 2005 at 4:32 PM  

  • While you read this, YOU start to BECOME aware of your surroundings, CERTIAN things that you were not aware of such as the temperature of the room, and sounds may make YOU realize you WANT a real college degree.

    Call this number now, (413) 208-3069

    Get an unexplained feeling of joy, Make it last longer by getting your COLLEGE DEGREE. Just as sure as the sun is coming up tomorrow, these College Degree's come complete with transcripts, and are VERIFIABLE.

    You know THAT Corporate America takes advantage of loopholes in the system. ITS now YOUR turn to take advantage of this specific opportunity, Take a second, Get a BETTER FEELING of joy and a better future BY CALLING this number 24 hours a day.
    (413) 208-3069

    By Blogger edwardprice6751100186, at May 3, 2006 at 8:26 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home